How many times have we let our own fears from childhood, or from past experiences or incidences we may have faced, crippled us from doing anything? It could be driving, swimming, applying for a job, pursuing a degree, or stepping on stage to deliver a speech? Too often, we hold back and play it safe, to avoid feeling embarrassed, appearing silly, being hurt, being ridiculed, being rejected, or even possible failure. However, it does not have to be that way. We can all overcome our fears. If you want to know happiness and realize your dreams, you have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone despite being afraid.
It was the year 2006. I had got an interview call for a position that I had applied for in downtown Cincinnati. Being new to the city at the time, and not having the best road sense, I thought of leaving early. As I parked my car in a garage, which happened to be on a one-way street, I saw a man in a hood lurking around. He appeared very worried. As he saw me get out of my car, he nervously approached me. He smiled and asked me if I could be kind enough to tell him what the time was. He said that he had been waiting for his friend to give him a ride to reach Cincinnati Children’s Hospital as his child was admitted there. Being the compassionate person that I am, I felt sorry for him. As I looked down towards my watch to tell him the time, I suddenly found myself being struck three or more times on the side of my face and head and being pushed into my car. It happened all so fast. I tried to scream for help, but he punched my mouth hard and pointed a gun to my stomach. “If you scream one more time, I will shoot. Do as I say, and you wont be hurt. Give me all you have got!” he barked. I did as he said for the fear of losing my life. He took full control of my car. The only thing I could do was pray for a miracle. He ended up taking a 10 dollar bill from my glove compartment, my wedding band and my diamond earrings. Surprisingly he was not interested in my Nokia cell phone. As the car neared a bus stop, he suddenly stopped and jumped out, running towards an approaching bus and fled away.
Now, why am I sharing this with you? It is not to get sympathy or for you to feel sorry for me. Things happen in life. The point I am trying to make here is that my fear of driving since then made me lose out on many golden opportunities that came my way. I stopped driving for almost 8 months. My fears made me so handicapped, that I would not even step out of my home. This incident had disseminated my faith in humanity.
So how can we overcome fears? There are a variety of ways one can do that. Different things will work for different people, but here are a few suggestions based on what worked for me to overcome my fear of driving again.
Be truthful to yourself and ask what you are afraid of and why?
Are you terrified of public speaking, or a afraid of being laughed or ridiculed at? In my case, I was scared of getting back on the wheels due to the fear of getting lost and being mugged again. So I decided to seek help. I joined a self-defense workshop and, most importantly, took a couple of counseling sessions on how to overcome fear. My husband also invested in an iPhone and installed a MapQuest app on it.
Get comfortable with fear.
When you fear something, move towards it. Feel it, and breathe through it. The action builds courage. Tell yourself, “This too will pass.” Your world expands as your courage expands. I slowly started driving short distances- first to the bank, the post office, the mall, grocery shopping, rebuilding my confidence. Then I started driving longer distances, and soon enough was back to driving again.
Make your dominant thoughts positive.
Fearful thoughts attract more fear. Positive thoughts attract success. Instead of expecting the worst, train your mind to expect the best. I did this by starting to think of happy thoughts. I remembered all the things I have been successful in growing up. After all, I did survive my first day in school, my first dental visit , my first job interview, so I could do this!
Don’t give time, attention, or energy to fear.
Focus on solutions. Be innovative, take the initiative, and go the extra mile. If you don’t take action despite your fear, an opportunity will pass you by. In my case, it was finding solutions such as taking on a self-defense class, embracing yoga to control my mind from any negative thoughts, and then taking up a small part time job as a sales associate with Body Shop. I purposely volunteered to work some evening shifts to overcome any underlying anxieties and fear of driving and parking at night. It also trained my mind to be more vigilant of my surroundings.
Never dwell on scarcity.
Learn to think, speak, and live as a whole person. Celebrate what you have. Focus your attention on being ready, willing, and prepared for good fortune, and favorable circumstances that are yours if you are eager to work and be open to it. I was thankful to God that I survived this horrific incident. It could have been much worse. The minute I gained my independence back, opportunities came knocking at my door. I landed my first job as a graphic designer while working part-time as a sales associate with Body Shop. A marketing professor at Northern Kentucky University had started his own book publication house and was looking for a full-time graphic communications artist and a chief editor for his books and we got talking. He had come to Body Shop to buy a hand lotion for his wife. I guess I must have impressed him, because he gave me his business card and asked me to contact him. That’s how I landed my first job in my field. If I had not started driving and taken that job at Body Shop, I would not have got my first break.
Revisit your victories.
Strengthen your belief in yourself by reflecting on the last few years of your life and every success you’ve experienced. Close your eyes and feel the emotion of celebration on each one. Bring the same drive, persistence, and talent into the now and allow it to inspire and motivate you.
Ask you family and friends for encouragement
I have been blessed with a family who loves me and supports me. They can see my strength when I get disillusioned or forget that I have it. At my request, they don’t hesitate to remind me of all the trials and triumphs we have come through together as a family. They’re generous with praise and encouragement. So ask your loved ones to do the same for you.
Ultimately, you have the power to break through obstacles that stand in the way of yourself, your dreams, and your happiness. Don’t let your fears control you. Instead learn to take control of your fears. As a famous journalist Dorothy Thompson once said- “Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live” and she is so spot on!
Life Is Like That! 